Thanksgiving is long over and we’ve since ushered in the opening of Christmas season. You are now free to talk about Christmas shopping, to string the lights on your house (if they’re not still hanging from last year) and to start playing that same Christmas playlist you’ve been torturing your family with since 1992.
But why do that? Why drag out the tired, the overplayed and the mundane? Why listen to “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” segue into Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” yet again when you can listen to my alternative playlist?
Sure, this isn’t a selection of songs you would play when grandma and grandpa are over. And it may not be “gather round and put the ornaments on the tree while we sing together, kids” music (though your mileage may vary on that), but it’s something different. You know what it’s not? It’s not “Christmas Shoes.” Honestly, who wants to spend a joyous holiday evening singing about a kid thinking his mother is too poor and ugly to meet Jesus when she dies? What kind of tradition are you setting up for your kids by depressing the hell out of them before they even put one Snoopy ornament on the tree?
Some of you may not even like Christmas music. Maybe you hate Christmas itself. The cheer, the good will toward men, the smiling children, it’s all too much for you to take. Times of civil unrest and economic uncertainty probably call for darker music than, say, Paul McCartney’s insipid “Wonderful Christmastime.”
That’s why I ‘m here. Because I know you don’t need another rendition of “Feliz Navidad.” I know you want to strangle the next person who sings “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Me and you, we are kindred spirits. And that’s why I give you my early holiday gift:
Christmas Music For Your Blackened Soul
I mad it a collaborative playlist so if you have Spotify, feel free to add to it.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Wesley Willis — Merry Christmas
Spinal Tap — Christmas With the Devil
Ben Folds — Lonely Christmas Eve
Blink 182 — I Won’t Be Home For Christmas
Tom Waits — Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis
Fountains of Wayne — I Want an Alien for Christmas
Insane Clown Posse — Red Christmas
Flaming Lips — Christmas at the Zoo
Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight) — The Ramones
Everclear — Hating You For Christmas
The Killers — Don’t Shoot Me Santa
MxPx -Punk Rawk Christmas
Jimmy Eat World — Christmas Card
Stiff Little Fingers — White Christmas
Christmas Vacation — The Descendents
The Decemberists — Please Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas
King Diamond — No Presents For Christmas
