the year that was

Christmas is over and that means it’s time to reflect on the year that was and see what we can do about improving ourselves in the coming year. I like the reflection part; the improving part, not so much. That takes work I’m not always willing to put in.

2019 was a good year, personally. It was a shit year politically and news-wise, but I don’t want to rehash that because we all know it, we lived it, we’re still living it and let’s not talk about it right now..

I started therapy this year, which was my greatest accomplishment of 2019. It’s something I’d been putting off for years, out of fear of commitment, fear of intimacy, fear of letting out all my fears. But I bit the bullet one frenzied night and sent off an email to a local therapist. I heard back within a day, booked an appointment and here were are three months later, a standing Saturday morning date between us, doing things to make me mentally healthy. Sometimes I leave there feeling drained, sometimes I feel empowered. Either way, I’m learning a lot about myself and how to deal with my emotions.

I changed positions at my job this year. I went from a high-stress, all consuming, emotionally draining, time sensitive job to one that is very low-key, low-stress, and isn’t micro-managed. I went from a cubicle to my own office and while I now have five judges to answer to, it’s a much more pleasant atmosphere. I don’t come home stressed. I’m not exhausted at the end of the day. It’s a good way to ride out the next five years until my retirement.